Alibhai’s Alibar 3/28/1979 – 9/10/2008 (One Year Later)

It has been one year since I said goodbye to you and yet, you have made yourself known at the most delightful and needed moments.

I pull my car into the driveway at the barn. All the horses are outside. If I squint my eyes just right and look at your paddock, I see your blaze shining like a beacon, topped by your tiny, perfect tippy ears.

The horses whinny at feeding time. Amidst the chorus, I hear your deep, musical neigh beginning and ending each round.

A strong gust of wind blows and the horses suddenly cavort in their paddocks, snorting and pawing the air. I know you roused the troops and led the charge.

On the coldest and snowiest days, sometimes I can catch a glimpse of the wildest snow-horse of all.

Your green fly bonnet has been retired, but I ride horses in your old saddles and bridles. I cannot help but think that any bridle that the mighty Alibar looked through must be charmed.

I lean my face against a horse after he has gotten a bath. I can smell your coat, always sweet, even on a hot summer day.

After a difficult ride on one of the new horses, I cannot help but smile. Nothing frustrates me because for almost 20 years, I rode the gamest and greatest horse of all.

At every horse show, there is a teenaged girl proudly posing with her horse. She is wearing rubber boots and her horse is mud-spattered- they had the fastest time in the slop in the jumper class.

When I went to Devil’s Hill to scatter your ashes, I felt your unwaveringly solid feet picking their way down the slope. I heard the wind howling in my ears and felt tears streaming down my face as we outran the wind.

It is late and I turn the lights out in the barn. I slowly make my way back to my car and your left nostril is pressed against my right hand, as it was hundreds of times before.

And just every so often, I close my eyes and dream a dream of you. In death, you carry me as you did in life.